I am so far now,
from who I used to be once.
How do I get back?
I had a teacher in high school who was obsessed with the book, The Great Gatsby. No, really obsessed. Like name your cat Gatsby obsessed.
I had him for a few classes. He had my kind of humor so I really enjoyed those classes.
When it came time for us to read his favorite book (can you guess which one?) he said something to us that I thought was funny.
He said that some of us would be sitting there, in the middle of our college lives, and get the urge to reach out to him with some hoopla about how he changed our lives. Don’t. He said he didn’t want to hear about how we changed our lives.
Instead, he wanted to hear from us when we realized he was right about Gatsby.
I didn’t get it at first. Of course I didn’t. I was young. The future held limitless possibilities for me.
Then the world got smaller. What seemed like an eternity away was behind me. I would say, “I’ll get to that later.” But later would be too late.
I graduated college. Got a job. Bought a car, a house. Got married. Had a beautiful daughter.
Time spinning faster and faster with every step.
Now, like Gatsby, I feel myself frozen. In a single moment. Holding a broken clock. Wanting to fix it. Wanting to go back to the way things were yesterday. Who I was yesterday. But, I can’t.
And that’s okay.
I am stronger now than I ever was. I am in touch with my weaknesses. I can constructively view my flaws, and see what I need to do to become a better person. A better mother.
So, Mr. Query, you were right. But, you were also so wrong.
Does a part of me want to go back? Yes, of course.
But I won’t. Even if I was given the chance I wouldn’t go back.
I am proud of where I am now. I am proud of who I am know.
Thank you for reading,