Fear is a needle in my heart.
Burning, piercing the fragile organ.
Wrapping its cold clammy hands around my throat.
Stealing the air from my body.

Gritting my teeth together I push on.
I have to be stronger than this.
I can’t let it be as it has been,
I have to be stronger than this.

Doubt prickles by brain.
Bone-like fingers scrape talons over my scalp.
An oily substance oozes down my spine.
The breeze echoing, “What if…”

Raising my chin I push harder.
I have to be stronger than this.
The storm inside I was born with ignites a fire.
I am stronger than this.

Your heartbeat echoes through me.
Stirring a dormant warmth.
The familiar bond.
Entwining our souls in golden string.

Closing my eyes, I see your shadow.
Growing stronger by the second.
I reach out to you, flame in hand.
You will be stronger than me.

Author’s Note:

I’ve always struggled against anxiety and depression. Even before I knew there was a name for it.

Constantly plagued by what if, and why. My thoughts are an endless cycle. The anxiety spiraling through me, pushing me into a dark well.

Medication helps. Therapy did for a time.

I have anxiety over how this will affect my daughter.

Will she be like me?

Only thing I can do is keep trying. Push through the whys and what ifs. Show her that it is okay to feel, and still be strong.