Misophonia: The Hatred of Sound

Misophonia is used to define the phenomenon of people hating sound. I’ve seen people comment that they must have it since they hate the sound of Sandy in accounting popping her gum. Sorry darling, everyone hates how Sandy in accounting pops her gum.
Misophonia is so much worse than the simple hatred of sound.

I can’t go out to coffee with friends, walk through a cafeteria, and have dinner with the family. I can’t go to the grocery store, because I know how loud the plastic bags will be (go green people!).

Misophonia is dwelling on sound all day, every day. Every action I take I think beforehand, what sound will I encounter if I do this?

When I inevitably have to face a trigger sound I freeze. Deer in the headlights. Do I run? Do I try and tough it out? Can I make it stop? Make it stop? MAKE IT STOP! RUN!

Everything within me screams. Ice prickles on the back of my neck. Weight crushes my chest. Pushing the air from my lungs. I want to cry. Scream. Hurt. I want anything, anything other than the sound.

I don’t know what’s worse. Being lost in a trigger, or knowing just how inappropriate my reaction to it is. I am fully aware that it is not anyone’s fault. Most people aren’t trying to cause me distress with sound.

Knowing that it’s not anyone else’s fault does not make it any better.
This is something I have always struggled with. Some of my earliest memories are of panicking at common everyday sounds.

I’ve struggled academically. It’s hard to excel when all you can focus on is sound. How can I take a test when everyone is writing so loud?

I’ve struggled with work. How can I work when I can hear people talking, typing, and laughing. Also, side note, don’t clip your nails in the office people. We can all hear you, not just me.

I’ve struggled with my personal life. I can’t go out for dinner, drinks, or coffee. How can I when all I’ll be able to focus on is how someone is eating?

Worse yet, it has affected my relationship with my family. Hard to really develop a relationship when you can’t sit in the same room as someone for more than 30 minutes without freaking out at them for simply breathing.

Hatred of sound. I don’t hate sound. I’m terrified of it.